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[03 May 2011|01:40am] |
Today I:
- Woke up (too early) feeling detached and withdrawn - Dragged myself to the courthouse to take care of business - Went for a bike ride along the river - Stopped by an old house I nested in - Felt less detached and withdrawn - Came across a car on fire with no driver at the wheel (GSYBE) - Went for a walk with Josh in the hills - Painted a poem on a lawn chair in the woods - Received a beautiful message from Bobby - Rode, rode, rode (on my tuned up bike) - Ate free vegan chili at the university cafeteria - Stole so much free food & art supplies - Discovered that love sometimes chooses you - Was happy
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[19 Apr 2011|07:03pm] |
LJ owns my heart
but I need more tumblr followers...
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[17 Apr 2011|03:35pm] |
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i don't know when my wardrobe started fitting into one backpack, or when it started consisting of nothing but flannel and hankerchiefs. my hair is glued together by wheatpaste and i love the smell of my sweat. this is the lifestyle i've chosen.
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[17 Apr 2011|12:42pm] |
I ruin most things I touch. But I have the best of intentions.
I don’t think my sanity is up for being questioned yet; maybe my level of compliance.
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[17 Apr 2011|12:35pm] |
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Its awful that I know you are full of wonder and beauty, but you only divulge to me your outer layer. I am sincere, but you look at me too closely; always. I've hated your big bright eyes for so long now; enough to draw me in.
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[10 Apr 2011|07:55pm] |
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Just found out my first love got engaged. I shouldn't be this sad?
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[21 Feb 2011|01:23pm] |
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will forever be a fuck up
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[12 Jan 2011|02:55am] |
I reach out towards people. I put in an effort- much more of an effort than is ever received on my end. That in itself makes me lonely. just lonely.
also let's consider the fact that I hate humankind, so the people I do try to bond with mean at least a speck of something to me. I know that I am awkward in social situations. but now it has followed me into every day life. it's a weirdness that I can't seem to conquer, even though the weirdness is me.
what did you do when this ugly feeling overcame you? when it overcame you every night?
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[19 Dec 2010|11:17pm] |
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Two cigarettes to go. I choose the lucky one to light up on the back porch. It is a winter night that is as bright as a summer's day. The shadows of the leafless trees dance on the freshly fallen snow. It is enough moonlight to mesmerize.
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[19 Dec 2010|09:39pm] |
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I am okay with it all.
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[14 Sep 2010|08:32pm] |
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There's nowhere I'd rather be right now than inside my own head.
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[09 May 2010|11:40pm] |
If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery—isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.
— Charles Bukowski
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[01 May 2010|06:02pm] |
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whoever said "if you love something just let it go" was totally wrong. i don't find love these days but if i did i would cling to it like a dryer sheet. i sat silently staring blankly at a television screen inside a fast food restaurant sipping coffee, which i knew would be the night's greatest achievement. my dad's voice was an echo in my left ear, arguing with his wife... and the change throughout all these years hits me like a brick in the face. i know what the world has become, while i'm clinging onto the past trying to grasp on to anything i can. i hate him for what he's become and myself for the same reason. hating to admit that all of my "boy issues" for the past few years are really a product of "daddy issues." i don't have any headphones to turn up so i stare at a stranger and contemplate his life, hoping that possibly quite maybe he stares back in understanding
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[16 Apr 2010|02:47am] |
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summer is itching at my skin and creeping under my clothes, winking at me behind those leafless trees
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[08 Jan 2010|05:43pm] |
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[01 Jan 2010|02:17pm] |
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[14 Aug 2009|02:05pm] |
“The traveler was active; he went strenuously in search of people, of adventure, of experience. The tourist is passive; he expects interesting things to happen to him. He goes “sightseeing.” — Daniel J. Boorstin, 1961
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[31 Jul 2009|12:36pm] |
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[21 Jul 2009|12:33pm] |
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My search is over. The metaphysical questions have all been answered. Every aspect of my being is always right there in front of me. I am my lipstick, my lotion, my jeans, my condoms, my condiments- a thousand points of light that shine brighter than the stars. God is dead, but I'm more alive than ever. My cream is exactly me.
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